Is the Church Failing Us??

"It is appalling that the most segregated hour of Christian America is eleven o'clock on Sunday morning?" - Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

I went to church this morning.  Although I still consider myself a Christian, this isn't a regular occurrence any more.  But my wife is out of town and this morning I went to church with my daughters.  Although I stopped believing in literal interpretations of the Bible years ago it is still the book that is the foundation of my belief system.   Even though I"m in the midst of a personal spiritual journey, the words of Jesus Christ have been my moral compass for my entire life.  Those teachings have served me well, and my wife and I try to impart those teachings to our children.    

 I also went to church this morning because I felt that I needed something to help me deal with the mounting anger and frustration I've experienced this week in the wake of two more police killings of black men that by all appearances were unwarranted.   Two more people that look like me who are no longer alive primarily because they looked like me.  Two more families who will have to survive the loss of a loved one unexpectedly for no reason at all.   President Abraham Lincoln once said, "I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for the day."  That's part of the reason I went to church this morning, the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go.   

 The church I attend is one of the contemporary, non denominational churches that have become so popular in America.  That's an actual picture of the sanctuary above.  An accurate description of one of the services would be Amateur Night at the Apollo with a sermon at the end.  Today's service was pretty typical.  The sanctuary reminds you of a modern Broadway Theatre.   There is awesome lighting and the optics and sound of the production from the stage is phenomenal.   Service started with a few contemporary gospel selections from a Praise and Worship Team right out of VH1 central casting.   The music, vocal performances, and stage presence were outstanding, as good as you will see in nearly any professional theatre production.   The words to the songs and a live stream of the stage were displayed on the three gigantic plasma screens surrounding the stage and the crowd was really into it, signing along and really into the music.  As I stood and tried to follow the words to the song one thought kept popping into my mind.  How can all of these people be so happy?  Do they not know what happened this week?  Am I missing something? 

 A little more background about my church.  When I first started attending the church we met in a small hotel meeting room, and the church had about 60 members.  Today we meet in the sanctuary above, which seats 2500 people.  There is no mortgage on the building, the final $1.2 million payment was made last year.  There are multiple services.  The church does wonderful work.  There is a phenomenal children's ministry.  They do mission trips to spread the gospel.   One of the things I love most about the church is everything is done in decency and order.   Every volunteer worker you encounter is friendly and professional.   The motto is "a place where no one walks alone", and I know from experience that they work hard to make the slogan a reality.   

 The church congregation is overwhelmingly black.  There is probably 10 to 15 percent non black membership, but it's a "black church".   The church is located in Collin County in Texas.  The median household  income in our area is over $90k per year.  I think that black people make up about 7% of the population.   One running joke I like to tell half in jest is there is one black family on every street in Collin County, and they all go to our church.   Even though the church is overwhelmingly black, it's message is race neutral.   As the minister said in the sermon today, we consider ourselves "Christians first".  A white female was the first person to appear on stage to address the crowd this morning, and the sermon was delivered by the Director of Family Ministries who is also a white male.   The church really does practice what it preaches. 

 So back to my dilemma this morning.  I think every day about the number of black men that have been murdered by policemen on camera, and the fact that the murderers often face no legal consequences.   The main tenet of the Christian faith is that God is in complete control, and nothing happens unless God allows it to happen.   So I'm wondering in church this morning how can all these black people be so happy worshipping a God who continues to allow our people to be murdered, and who continues to allow their murderers to go unpunished?   Am I the only one in this sanctuary filled with black people that wants to know why God is allowing this to continue to happen?   Am I not a good Christian because I have that question?  How can we have an entire church service this week when we've had two high profile killings of black men caught on camera and have only a couple of passing references to "systemic racism"?  Am I the only one wanting to hear something that gives me hope that I won't be the next black man lying dead in the street because a police officer thought I "looked like a bad dude'?  I'm listening intently to today's sermon on being a "Christian first", and I'm wondering how this helps me when a cop pulls me over.   

 The minister today said that God allows those in positions of authority to be in those positions and we should respect that fact.  So by that rationale God allowed Betty Shelby to be in the position where she could end Terrence Crutcher's life on that highway in Tulsa last week.   Am I the only one that has a problem with that?  This is a recurring theme at our church, that God allows those in authority to be in authority and we should respect them until God replaces them.   So does this mean Rosa Parks was wrong for not giving up her seat on that bus?   Was Harriet Tubman wrong for leading slaves to freedom?   Were those students in the South wrong for sitting at those lunch counters in Woolworth's when it was against the law to do so?   Was John Lewis wrong on that bridge in Selma? Being that the church has always been so fundamental to the black community in America, how does this teaching impact our existence in this country. 

 There is a theory that Christianity was forced onto slaves in this country to make them more amenable to being slaves.   The belief being that being a slave was God's choice for them and that their role as good Christians was to find a way to be content in their circumstances and await their reward in the afterlife when they get to heaven.  Again, when you accept the main tenet that God is wholly omnipotent and in complete control it makes it easy to accept this "life that was chosen for you" belief.   And that's what bothers me about my church experience this morning.   I went there looking for something to bring some level of understanding to why black men keep getting killed in the street by police officers.  If not understanding at least some sense of comfort that I could take into next week.  What I got was that these killings are somehow a part of God's ultimate plan, and my job if I'm pulled over by a police officer is to be a "Christian first".   I'm just wondering how Terrence Crutcher would have communicated that to Betty Shelby.  The Tulsa cop in the helicopter didn't say "that looks like a Christian".  He said "that looks like a bad dude".  So how do I as a "Christian first" deal with a police officer who may not recognize what that looks like? 

 The civil rights movement in this country was led by the black church.  Ministers were and in many cases still are some of the most revered figures in the black community.    Black churches are historically among the most successful organizations in the black community.   The black church of the 60s by and large encouraged their congregations to be a part of the movement.  They allowed civil rights groups to hold meetings in their buildings.  They organized marches.   They formed informal operations networks that fed, housed, and helped protect leaders of the movement when they came through their towns.   And this was before cable television, the internet, and social media.   Without the black church, there is no Montgomery bus boycott.    There are no lunch counter sit ins.   There is no March on Washington.   There is no voting rights act.    The black church was instrumental in all of these gains that changed life in this country as we know it.   

 So what about the black church today?  What other black organization has built multi million dollar buildings completely from member donations?  I find it interesting that the black church is one of the few institutions that black people have never really tried to integrate.  Some estimates show that black churches have collected more than $420 billion dollars since 1980.   Rev. Creflo Dollar's World Changers Ministries reported $69 million in revenue in 2006 according to the Atlanta Journal Constitution.   These are non profit organizations whose product, Jesus, is free to everyone according to my understanding of the Bible.   I'm wondering if the black church today, especially the black mega church, has become too much about entertainment and net worth than about helping to improve the lives of its community.   Dr. King talked about the disappointment of the black community with Christian churches in his last book, Where Do We Go From Here: Chaos or Community.  He wrote "it is disappointment with some Negro clergymen who are more concerned about the size of the wheel base on their automobiles than about the quality of their service to the Negro community."  This is the disappointment I"m feeling today.   Substitute "size of their plasma screens" or "size of their private jets" or "size of their campus and main sanctuary" or "size of their television audience" for "size of the wheel base of their automobiles" and I am feeling that disappointment.   I don't know what the solution to the problem of the police killing black people with no consequence is, but I do know that in America if you have $420 billion you can find a way to solve almost any problem.  

 I talk about the black church because that's my community but this isn't to say I don't have the same questions about Christian churches with majority non black memberships.   White Christian churches also played an enormous role in the civil rights movement.   They were often in solidarity with the black churches.   Like the black churches, they offered their buildings for meetings and encouraged their members to support the movement.  They participated in marches and lunch counter sit ins and they participated in those informal networks that were so important to the movement.   In talking about the disappointment of the black community in Where Do We Go From Here Dr. King also said "it is disappointment with the Christian church that appears to be more white than Christian, and with white clergymen who prefer to remain silent behind the security of stained-glass windows".   The Dallas area is very conservative, there are churches on every corner.   I wonder how many white churches today even mentioned the killings of the two black men by police this week?    If white Christians don't hear their religious leaders talking about these incidents, that may explain why so many white Christians are comfortable being silent on the issue.  Or worse, they feel comfortable trying to find ways to justify the killings.   They certainly aren't silent when someone kills an animal.   Any sensational animal killing is sure to flood my Facebook timeline with remorse and regret about the inherent value of "all of God's creatures".    Yet these same Christians have not had one comment about Terrence Crutcher being executed on camera by Betty Shelby.  What are they teaching in these churches on Sunday mornings.   

 I am a Christian.  I've tried my best to live my entire life based on the teachings of Jesus.   My Christian faith has carried me through some very difficult times in my life.   This for me is one of those times.   Words can't describe the level of frustration and rage that are running through me right now, or the fear that I might be the next hashtag.   Or worse, that one of my kids might be the next hashtag.   Hardly a day goes by where I don't see a police officer.   It's hard for me in those moments to think of myself as a "Christian first".   I know that if I have an encounter with this police officer for whatever reason, I could end up dead and the officer would probably walk away unpunished.  I know the first thing they will print is that I was 6'4 and 250 lbs.  I know that reporters would dig through my past and print every unflattering thing they could find about me and not do the same for the policeman.   I know they will find the most unflattering pictures of me.  I know they will go through my Facebook posts and paint me as an angry black man who hated police officers.  I know they will write about the time I got suspended from elementary school for participating in a childhood prank.   I know they will talk about the time the police arrested me in college for stealing a car.   I know they won't mention that the car was actually mine and the charges were dropped.  I know that at least one conservative website will find another Tyrone Wilson who has done a lot worse stuff than me and report that it was me, and I know that article will get 15 thousand likes on Facebook.   

 This knowledge eats a little at my soul every day, but I am a Christian.   So I went to church today seeking solace, seeking refuge, seeking something that would help me to better deal with the feelings that this knowledge arises in me every day.   Karl Marx once said "religion is the opium of the people."  I went to church today looking for that opium.  I don't think I'll be going back next week.